I’m going to kill all the birds in our neighborhood. Almost every night, I wake up at 2:00 or 3:00 AM and I’m wide awake. So I skulk around the house for hours trying to do Soduku or read or meditate and then I lie on the couch feeling really sorry for myself. At about 4:00 the birds start chirping and I start to get really angry and I start wondering how I could kill them all. Then, from 5 to 7 I fall into the most delicious sleep on the couch and then it gets exploded by a kid peeling my eyelids open and I’ve still got killin’ on my mind and I have to force myself to say, “Good Morning Tiger!” and welcome this ball of energy onto the couch with me.
I’m always looking for the tricks to help me fall asleep. One time, I said, ‘I might as well unpack the dishwasher’ and I was asleep in seconds.
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I have been using foam earplugs every night for over a year. You should try it. Works like a charm.
I’ve got a honking huge book about LBJ that puts me to sleep in seconds.
You’re right about the birds– they can drive you right over the edge. I recommend a BB gun with CO2 cartridge and laser sight.
Thanks. that seems more pro-active than earplugs…
Yeah, I used to hate birds. But that was more of a hangover issue.
I recommend reading children’s books. They put me to sleep in my kids bed every night.
There was one bird in particular that inspired my avicidal fantasy. It was a mockingbird, in Pasadena. It had memorized the melodies of all of the car alarms found in LA at that time and would hold a recital from 2 to 4 AM from atop the lightpost outside our bedroom window.
(The recital was repeated every night.)
There were two times when living in LA made me want to own a gun– one was that damn bird, and the other was sitting inside for a day and a half watching TV news during the riots, smelling the town burn, hearing shots a few blocks away.